Betty ford says i'm here all night
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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