If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
