Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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