Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
