I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
