i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
