question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
