I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
