Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
