I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
