If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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