i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
