remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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