the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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