She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Panties = found
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
