This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
