I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Randomize
