My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
