Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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