im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
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