Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
