i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Shame is for Republicans.
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