fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize