She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
