did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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