Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
