That's when you crack a 10am beer
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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