Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
