and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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