By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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