I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
No I am not eating basil off your cock
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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