we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
