I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
