I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
