So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I need a burrito and a hug.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
