just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
