You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
