I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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