Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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