what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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