I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
