woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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