I got chris browned last night
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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