my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
