i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
