He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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