Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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