were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
