I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
