I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
