I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
