i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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