I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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