dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
