i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
