I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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