I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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